"Conflict sticks to you like super glue"
Great teams are comfortable with the fact that....
- They won't always be on the same page
- They will take different paths to get there
-They will be misunderstood by those around them
-They will never be recognized for all they do and... they will still show up... they always show up
Many people who create conflict do the triple D dance
-They Defend
-They Deny
-They Destroy
To address conflict you must be self aware and ready to react. If you are not ready, remove yourself from the situation and return with a spirit to address it. It all starts and ends with listening...
There are 5 stages of this process and if you get caught in the 1st three and your expectations are high, there is a good chance you will make it worse...
Ignore- We don't listen
Pretend- We give verbal or physical evidence to indicate that we are listening, but we are not listening to the words or interpreting the meaning
Selective- We listen for what what we want to hear or for an opportunity to interrupt
Attentive- We listen carefully for the meaning
Emphatic- We listen accurately, receive the information, the message form the sender's point of view
What is the process...
Care deeply
With respect, be clear, concise and direct
Rinse and repeat...clarification... did I get that right
Learner vs... judgment questions
Possible solutions, rinse and repeat
Define, accountability, follow-up
What do you want from me going forward
When we don't address conflict we gather resentments. Resentments are heavy and they stick to you like super glue. Resentments will never guide you to a better place. Ignoring conflict will hamper your growth and the growth of your teams.
Being a wonderful company with a tremendous culture can actually create more conflict than we can see. It can come in a variety of packages, "that's not fair", "gossip", "know it alls", "dumpers" (oh I handle conflict I just tell them the the truth, every time, all of the time) Just like life timing is so important.
In my own life I try to create a filter between my emotions and my reaction. If I simply react the outcome will normally be negative. Often it is important to get quiet or remove yourself from the situation and return at a better time. The more you work at this the better you get. The best part is you'll never be perfect ( that's an impossible bar, it's nice to give up) Assuming you know how to handle conflict, in other words (I am good at it) is the kiss of death, we can always grow regardless of where we are.
"Conflict is inevitable combat is optional"
Reach out to people who handle this well. You see them everyday. Watch for people who do things with a strong sense of purpose because they deeply know where they are going. The clarity of their vision guides them. "When you know who/where you are"; you can discern where others are and drive to a positive resolution.
Have a great week
Scott
