Pace is a Liar

It is hard to comprehend fear from something I don’t understand and quite frankly I cannot even see. I am smart enough to read and listen to people much smarter than myself to establish some sense of reason in order to protect my family, a workforce and a community. How much is enough? Is there such a thing as too much? Can I do more?

All of those things run through my mind and I today am lucky, fortunate and grateful. I am certainly aware of many people who are more fearful, lonely, maybe sick, tired, putting themselves at massive risk & serving the vulnerable. Once again the questions pound, how much is enough, is there such a thing as too much? Can I do more?

Sometimes the answers are selfish, by the grace of God most often selfless but there are more questions than answers and the whirlwind of thought just races.

In the midst of the mind bend marathon there is so much peace that can come out by simply putting your thoughts to paper. Cleaning the garage can of gunk out of my mind on paper or into the ears of people I trust.

I am confident in light of where everyone might be, I know as of this very minute I and others close to me are healthy & safe and my opinions could shift instantly.

I have learned that I am smarter than I thought I was. Now being a leader means often you are called to handle complicated issues and make a call but trusting my heart and more importantly others has been a gift. In other words I don’t have to be the smartest person and simply trusting others are ready, up for a challenge just like me.

I have learned as a husband and a father that having your family watch you get up and go to work everyday is a gift of a strong work ethic. I watched my mother and father do the same for me. What I recognize today is the fact that they are watching me decide which is more important to me. My role inside of inside of a company, a church, a mission, myself or them. I am not sure I ever saw what they must have seen for decades, sadly I think they saw they are not 1st and I made that choice but I can choose to make a different choice, for them.

The most profound thing I have learned is my need for affirmation from others. Sadly I didn't include my family because sadly that love is misguided because it’s expected. There is a big difference between the word expected and earned. One is about power at the top and the other is about servanthood on the bottom.

You see pace was my drug of choice and the faster I went the greater the high. I was so busy going fast that I missed the small gifts along the way. Gifts like watching a grandson learning how to use FaceTime, walking outside without traffic noise, birds chirping and sitting without a stack of paper, an iPhone or a laptop.

I learned that pace is a liar. Pace is selfish. Pace is self serving. Pace clogged my ears, covered my eyes and cloaked my heart in ego and pride.

So in 14 days inside of all of my fear I have grown so much, not by going faster but by going slower. So instead of producing a stack of paper, a spreadsheet, a PowerPoint or a speech I am actually allowing time to lean into myself, my family and others without the need for applause.

So today maybe it's a different applause, maybe the new applause is more on the inside than on the outside.

I will keep learning and be grateful at every step.

Stay Well,

Scott McGohan