Note to Self:
Expectations of other people normally do not work well for most of us! We set ourselves up and others up to fail and the Holidays make this even worse. We have illusions of grandeur, you know a "White Christmas", a "Hallmark" moment, a New Years Eve event and the list goes on and on........
I know I am not alone in this thinking and like I have said before "Often your brain is like a bad neighborhood and you should be there alone". Having expectations of people without their knowledge is wrong, it isn't fair to them and at the deepest level is a pretty selfish act on our part.
An interesting thing happened to me over the holidays that caught up with me. Maybe I am slow to learn or just selfish, either way it got me way off guard. Instead of writing this wonderful script for everyone and not even showing them their lines before my big Broadway Play "in my head", why don't I try to accept them for who they are and watch how they navigate this world without my intervention.
It was pretty amazing, actually they wrote a better "play" than I would have and I had a role, actually I had a relationship, a new one. A new relationship with myself and a new relationship with others.
Someone sent this to me a few years ago and I thought I would share.........
The 100/0 Principle
What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It's The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.
Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.
The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.
At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being the "Learner." Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.
Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!
Principle Paradox
This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.
Fortunately my "play" didn't make it to Broadway, it didn't snow, Michael Bubl'e didn't sing around our tree and we are not set to be on Times Square for New Years.................
"Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes instantly"
Note to self:
Stop Expecting........................................
Scott McGohan
